Today I want to talk about change.
I want to talk about the manomic that I created around grief which is get ready, it’s everything free fall. When you’re struck with a terrible loss, everything goes into free fall, you’re in a state, you’re in psychological turmoil, you’re in emotional turmoil and you’re in physical turmoil as well.
Not to mention the fact that in your outer world everything has changed, the story will never be the same and things will never be what they were, they’re fundamentally changed forever.
Now, it’s very difficult to make choices when you are in a state of grief and there is a reason for this. The reason is that you suffered such a terrible shock that your amidala which is responsible for your survival, your instinct mechanism which is the fight, flight, freeze and form has hijacked your functioning system and your frontal cortex that is normally responsible for planning and organization is really struggling to be able to make sense of such an enormous situation because the coherence, the pattern has been broken and we don’t have homeostasis in our body.
There is all these hormones and chemicals running around telling us that because things are different we are not safe.
How do we make choices when we are in this really heightened state? There are two ways you can go about it. My advice is firstly to itemize the changes that you need to make or the changes that you feel would make your life better or more manageable and decide which ones are the most pressing and work through them systematically looking at all the different perspectives around it, the potential pitfalls and the potential gains of making a change and see how that rests with you.
Or to just park the decision, not make a choice, not make a change. The other way that you could go about it is to consult people around you that are impartial.
If they don’t have a vested interest in your outcome and they’re really good sounding boards for you to try and figure out what is the best way forward for you then I would recommend taking some time out and spending it with those people to talk about what you plan on doing going forward.
It is a really challenging time and change is difficult. Change is difficult for people when they are not faced with a great loss and a great sadness. Be gentle with yourself, understand that it is a difficult time to make choices and changes, and also know that a path is just a path.
There isn’t an immediate absolutism to any choice that you make. You can make the choice and you can just as easily unmake it if it doesn’t work out for you. Even though you have this extreme heightened response to everything around you and you feel like you must make sure that everything is going to be okay, provided you consider the choices that you’re making and the changes that you’re making, it’s going to be okay. You can unmake them also.
That’s it from me now. Please feel free to subscribe to my channel, leave some comments below. I also have other resources available on my website which is goodgriefcoach.net.
If you want to sign up with your email and subscribe there then there’s some free downloads to assist people who are grieving or to help you assist somebody else that you care about whose grieving. Thanks for your time and attention and I’ll see you soon.